Should I feel guilty when I don’t do much that dad would call “productive?”
I am an artist (two decent universities say I am) who does little art. The fire that should be in my belly is at best a flicker.
Almost any art has limited appeal. In theory I could make a bucket of new pieces and give them to my kids who have no space and no place to put more and more stuff they do not really need.
It might be better to write a book, it would take less space. Shucks a book of poetry could be even smaller, maybe a quarter of an inch thick, but I am a really lousy poet, and that fire never got lit.
While I am dealing with this guilt thing, I am going to get another cup of chocolate, maybe a cookie and like the gal in South Pacific, but paraphrased, I’m going to wash that guilt right out of my mind.
When we got home last night, there was a fire going in the stove and the front door was unlocked.
I joked (I thought) to family about how someone had broken into my house, built a fire and left, maybe after a big party where they put everything back where they found them. My joke was not understood by all, but that is the life of a jokester.
My thought was that I had "blamed" the on my friend David who does this kind of thing from time to time. Our house has a LOT of thermal mass and when it is cold for a long period of time, it takes a while to get it warmed up again.
David knows all of this and will often have a fire going, and have had it going when we get home.
That was very good, and I am thankful for the David's of the world.
It was good to sleep in our own bed last night. Shower in our shower, putter in our kitchen and so on.
No matter where it is and how tiny it might be, there is no place like home.
Today is another travel day. It is time to go home.
On this particular expedition we have had a couple of days where we drove 650 miles, but today is the shortest leg of our trip, a mere 45 miles!
Two daughters live that close together. That is good, they see each other more often that way, and it makes a shorter journey for us!
Right now I have bread raising, but when it comes out of the oven we will be ready to hit the road. We will stay just one night with daughter two's family (I promised to come back when it was a bit warmer and spend more time).
Mostly I want to go home, and tomorrow after breakfast we will go.
The sad thing is that we won't see much or any of our daughter. She is an RN who works 12 hour night shifts and she will be sleeping the days we will be there, but we will see her husband and the grandkids.
I remember when we lived in Texas, which was only "home" in a very stretchy way. I assured everyone I was a "temporary Texan" even going so far as to keep Idaho plates on our car (it was legal since we were students).
We would come to the NW two times every year. It took three days of 600 mile a day driving to make the trip, but when we got to Amarillo or Wichita Falls, we were eager to get "home" even though it was not really home.
But this time we are going to the home we have lived in for a long time, down the street from friend david and my sister Joyce.
This blog began as a spot to vent about my life with Miriam and her time with Alzheimer's disease.
She was diagnosed in '99 and her decline has been quite slow. In fact some of our best years of our long marriage have been these recent years.
Alzherimer's, at least her version is a disease of waiting. One shoe drops and it can be a very long time before the other one drops.
So life goes on.
At the beginning of this blog I told the story of our courtship and marriage, about out family and our personal journey with this disease. The part that scares the most is the anticipation as the disease slowly progresses.
So, I will touch on that subject from time to time, but the entries will tend toward comments on life. I'll leave politics and religion for others to worry about, not that I don't have strong opinions!
I have my hands full just looking after my wonderful Miriam.
We met when we were 6, began dating at 15 and have been together since. We will have our 56th anniversary this June.
We have four wonderful daughters. Smart, independent, awesome. They have given us 7 grandsons and 4 granddaughters. None of them are little any more. The oldest is 28 and married, the youngest is 14.
Until this last fall we lived in a hosue I designed and built in the '70's and it is pretty weird and wild, but very comfortable. Last summer the girls came to the conclusion that I really did need help dealing with Miriam. Now we live on a couple acres with daughter 1.
Life has been good. There is not much I would do different even if I could. We are rich beyond belief but chronically short of cash!
And, unless stated otherwise all the photographs are mine.