Gratitude #83 - Sweet Biddies!
11 years ago
Saturday, June 6, 2009
money
I am extremely pleased with my family, and I will admit a bit of myopia along the way.
You know if you don’t love your kids, how do you expect some one else to do it either. But there are exceptions.
Wills are a necessary part of life, I am sure.
We have one, not that there is a lot to will, but there is a willingness at the least. Distant family just redid their will. ¼ here and ¼ there and ¼ to their one child, but none at all for his child of a former marriage.
This child defied her father most of a lifetime ago and married someone that was not “acceptable.” There are important scruples here, after all. Hooey with what it does to the family, we gotta hold up those scruples.
This child, a very capable woman, lives close to the parents in their retirement and looks after them often and well, but she “doesn’t need the money.” Huge message there.
The problem is that the message is not just a jab from father to an otherwise exemplary, helpful daughter, but between father and the whole family and from family member of family member, who must some how cope with the built in anger.
One of my daughters went through a nasty divorce. She asked nothing, all she got was her wedding ring which she sold. She just wanted out. The husband thought he had more money than he did, he was an MD after all, but I remember something daughters said to me:
“Dad money can be genuinely evil.”
Of course it is not the money itself, but how we use money to push others around. It is about power and very twisted power at that.
I know there is nothing glorious about poverty, and I know that abject poverty is horrible to the body and the soul. Most of the time I am content with my standing (the gov reminded me of my rating) but much more that my soul is rich for other more important reasons.
This may be the home of the free, but don’t tell your father in law when he revises his will because of your actions.
Maybe daughter was right.
You know if you don’t love your kids, how do you expect some one else to do it either. But there are exceptions.
Wills are a necessary part of life, I am sure.
We have one, not that there is a lot to will, but there is a willingness at the least. Distant family just redid their will. ¼ here and ¼ there and ¼ to their one child, but none at all for his child of a former marriage.
This child defied her father most of a lifetime ago and married someone that was not “acceptable.” There are important scruples here, after all. Hooey with what it does to the family, we gotta hold up those scruples.
This child, a very capable woman, lives close to the parents in their retirement and looks after them often and well, but she “doesn’t need the money.” Huge message there.
The problem is that the message is not just a jab from father to an otherwise exemplary, helpful daughter, but between father and the whole family and from family member of family member, who must some how cope with the built in anger.
One of my daughters went through a nasty divorce. She asked nothing, all she got was her wedding ring which she sold. She just wanted out. The husband thought he had more money than he did, he was an MD after all, but I remember something daughters said to me:
“Dad money can be genuinely evil.”
Of course it is not the money itself, but how we use money to push others around. It is about power and very twisted power at that.
I know there is nothing glorious about poverty, and I know that abject poverty is horrible to the body and the soul. Most of the time I am content with my standing (the gov reminded me of my rating) but much more that my soul is rich for other more important reasons.
This may be the home of the free, but don’t tell your father in law when he revises his will because of your actions.
Maybe daughter was right.
Friday, June 5, 2009
graduation
A few thoughts after Jessica's graduation:
At 14 or 15 the girls are pretty well to height. Some will grow more, but I think most will not.
But some of the boys were not much over 5’ tall and none of them were to full height. I’ll bet there are a bunch of 6 footers in that group!
I was a bit over 5 foot 2 when I graduated from 8th grade, but by the end of my first year of high school I was right at 6 feet. Lots of growing and lots of very short pants. Mom had trouble that year!
Jessica was one of the tall girls. At 5 foot 8 ½. But even the short girls were starting to look elegant and beautifully. Some of the guys are still “cute”!
It would be a real interesting thing to photograph this group in 10 years and see how the guys grew.
This school has a very dedicated talented music teacher. He has spent most of his career teaching at this school. There was a girls chorus, a bell choir, a band and a string ensemble. All performed very well. I was quite amazed.
I was glad to be there to see Jessica graduate. Earlier she had received a citizenship award and a scholarship for next year in a private high school.
So, we now have done all of the graduations for this year. More than likely we will stay home a lot more now!
Still, I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.
At 14 or 15 the girls are pretty well to height. Some will grow more, but I think most will not.
But some of the boys were not much over 5’ tall and none of them were to full height. I’ll bet there are a bunch of 6 footers in that group!
I was a bit over 5 foot 2 when I graduated from 8th grade, but by the end of my first year of high school I was right at 6 feet. Lots of growing and lots of very short pants. Mom had trouble that year!
Jessica was one of the tall girls. At 5 foot 8 ½. But even the short girls were starting to look elegant and beautifully. Some of the guys are still “cute”!
It would be a real interesting thing to photograph this group in 10 years and see how the guys grew.
This school has a very dedicated talented music teacher. He has spent most of his career teaching at this school. There was a girls chorus, a bell choir, a band and a string ensemble. All performed very well. I was quite amazed.
I was glad to be there to see Jessica graduate. Earlier she had received a citizenship award and a scholarship for next year in a private high school.
So, we now have done all of the graduations for this year. More than likely we will stay home a lot more now!
Still, I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
another graduation
Tonight Jessica graduates.
We made the trip safely. I drove the Dodge pikup and pulled the teardrop. We will go amping for a day or two on our way home.
Jessica’s other grandparents arrived last night too. Grandpa Jim is 90 now. Grandma Alice is a bit younger.
Along the way we took a side trip and stopped at the cemetery where Miriam’s parents are buried. Mostly it is Miriam’s mother’s family, going back a very long way. Mom, dad, aunts and uncles, many carrying the family name: Coffin.
The family came into that valley back about the time my family came on through to SE Washington. Deep roots.
Miriam expressed interest in being buried there: “If I die before you.”
It is good to be with family again, though that is about all we have done of late. This is the last week of school, so right now there is no one here at all. Jess and Matt are in school, Ben is at work as is Sid. Arline is with Miriam.
Miriam is getting her hair cut and styled. It will look sassy and cute. Some how hair grooming has not been a talent that has gone through AD. I will enjoy her new look.
She still is a cutie. I am eternally glad I married up with her.
And I tell her that often.
We made the trip safely. I drove the Dodge pikup and pulled the teardrop. We will go amping for a day or two on our way home.
Jessica’s other grandparents arrived last night too. Grandpa Jim is 90 now. Grandma Alice is a bit younger.
Along the way we took a side trip and stopped at the cemetery where Miriam’s parents are buried. Mostly it is Miriam’s mother’s family, going back a very long way. Mom, dad, aunts and uncles, many carrying the family name: Coffin.
The family came into that valley back about the time my family came on through to SE Washington. Deep roots.
Miriam expressed interest in being buried there: “If I die before you.”
It is good to be with family again, though that is about all we have done of late. This is the last week of school, so right now there is no one here at all. Jess and Matt are in school, Ben is at work as is Sid. Arline is with Miriam.
Miriam is getting her hair cut and styled. It will look sassy and cute. Some how hair grooming has not been a talent that has gone through AD. I will enjoy her new look.
She still is a cutie. I am eternally glad I married up with her.
And I tell her that often.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Looking good?
My sister called last night.
She calls often and we talk a good bit so that was not a big deal. She had not said much when she said “I am worried about you.”
I don’t know that my mother used those words, but she used to pray, kneeling by the kitchen stove early in the morning, praying out loud, and more than once I heard her mention my name in similar tones.
Sis had had a biopsy done on a skin spot that her doc was concerned about and she told me about that (my family knows how non medical I am and gory details are not necessary).
Then she said Kay had asked her:”Is there something wrong with Dave, he does not look good.” Kay works part time for Joyce, and is an old friend.
So, “Are you OK?”
So I began to take stock. The heat exhaustion I experienced last week has an effect on me still, but I saw Kay last the day before that happened. I have been eating well, I think. I think I am getting enough sleep, 5 or 6 hours at night and a nap or two.
But maybe not. It is 3 am now. I should be sleeping, but I woke up and sleep is allusive. I went to bed at 9:30 last night, an unheard of event for me, and I'll be back in bed by 4:30. Is that enough? I don't know.
There is enough things to be concerned about and I may be more of a worrier than I might think.
I had a run in with my pastor that eats at my gut. Age and meds affect my life here and there in worrisome irritating ways. The increased level of care for us and Miriam weighs heavier than I thought, perhaps. She is doing well, but she is not doing better, ever. Our future is murky at best.
So the answer? How am I doing? I really do not know. Sis assured Kay that one thing about Dave is that he sees his doctor regularly, and he will do as the doc says.
I have an appointment next week.
She calls often and we talk a good bit so that was not a big deal. She had not said much when she said “I am worried about you.”
I don’t know that my mother used those words, but she used to pray, kneeling by the kitchen stove early in the morning, praying out loud, and more than once I heard her mention my name in similar tones.
Sis had had a biopsy done on a skin spot that her doc was concerned about and she told me about that (my family knows how non medical I am and gory details are not necessary).
Then she said Kay had asked her:”Is there something wrong with Dave, he does not look good.” Kay works part time for Joyce, and is an old friend.
So, “Are you OK?”
So I began to take stock. The heat exhaustion I experienced last week has an effect on me still, but I saw Kay last the day before that happened. I have been eating well, I think. I think I am getting enough sleep, 5 or 6 hours at night and a nap or two.
But maybe not. It is 3 am now. I should be sleeping, but I woke up and sleep is allusive. I went to bed at 9:30 last night, an unheard of event for me, and I'll be back in bed by 4:30. Is that enough? I don't know.
There is enough things to be concerned about and I may be more of a worrier than I might think.
I had a run in with my pastor that eats at my gut. Age and meds affect my life here and there in worrisome irritating ways. The increased level of care for us and Miriam weighs heavier than I thought, perhaps. She is doing well, but she is not doing better, ever. Our future is murky at best.
So the answer? How am I doing? I really do not know. Sis assured Kay that one thing about Dave is that he sees his doctor regularly, and he will do as the doc says.
I have an appointment next week.
Monday, June 1, 2009
the end
This is the best little car I have ever owned. It gets as good gas mileage as my VWs ever did, but has AC and a real heater.
Not the greatest car on the road, not even GM's best, but it goes an goes.
I am sad
Today is a sad day.
Even though I am not directly involved, I will grieve today and for days to come I fear.
My family were Ford people. My dad owned two Fords when he died. My step dad drove Fords until he bought a Hillman and then a Toyota and a Mitsubishi.
My first car was a chrysler, but along the way I have owned a garage full of Fords.
Truth is that I bought my first Chevrolets in 1992. The two best vehicles I ever owned. I still drive one of those 92 models, it continues to serve me well. Chrysler became a division of a german company, who bought high, dropped a bucket of balls and sold cheap. Now we are giving the company to yet another foreign owner/builder.
The sad thing is that it was assisted suicide. There are so many who bear some responsibility for this fall. Maybe this is good for us in some nutty way, but I still mourn.
It will work out some how. There is no shortage of cars to buy, though the slump in buying has all manufacturers fearful. What, they wonder, if Americans get over their habit of frequently buying cars?
What if they do like I do. Both of the cars I own I bought new. I will drive them until they wear out. The only reason I sold my ’92 pickup was that I drove it literally until it did wear out -- at 240,000 miles.
Six years later, I still miss that wonderfully simple Chevy pickup.
Even though I am not directly involved, I will grieve today and for days to come I fear.
My family were Ford people. My dad owned two Fords when he died. My step dad drove Fords until he bought a Hillman and then a Toyota and a Mitsubishi.
My first car was a chrysler, but along the way I have owned a garage full of Fords.
Truth is that I bought my first Chevrolets in 1992. The two best vehicles I ever owned. I still drive one of those 92 models, it continues to serve me well. Chrysler became a division of a german company, who bought high, dropped a bucket of balls and sold cheap. Now we are giving the company to yet another foreign owner/builder.
The sad thing is that it was assisted suicide. There are so many who bear some responsibility for this fall. Maybe this is good for us in some nutty way, but I still mourn.
It will work out some how. There is no shortage of cars to buy, though the slump in buying has all manufacturers fearful. What, they wonder, if Americans get over their habit of frequently buying cars?
What if they do like I do. Both of the cars I own I bought new. I will drive them until they wear out. The only reason I sold my ’92 pickup was that I drove it literally until it did wear out -- at 240,000 miles.
Six years later, I still miss that wonderfully simple Chevy pickup.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
another graduation
Yesterday we went to the graduation at the small private school that has been so important to our families for several generations.
The school had less than a hundred students when we attended almost 60 years ago, and since then has grown and declined. Now the student count is a bit over 100.
The Senior class was a little over 20.
Since it is a Bible school, there was a sermon involved, in fact, there were two, given by two students. The young lady talked first (I did not know her) and the grandson of a classmate of mine (’55) followed.
But between them one of the students whose family is from Hawaii stood up and came to the front. I looked at the program and it was not listed. These are not people who went to Hawaii and came back with a tan. I am talking about relatives of Queen Liliuokalani.
He was a well fed boy with a lei around his neck. He said that he wanted his family to come on stage. Other well fed dark skinned people began to stand up and make their way to the front. In the end there were almost 50 of these beautiful people on stage.
And then they sang a song. The song had deep meaning to them. They sang with volume and gusto. I did not know the song and had never heard it before, but they sang it well with great enthusiasm. . Even the children were singing.
When they finished the applause was thunderous. I was overwhelmed with the sheer joy of it all. When this lucky boy graduated, so did his whole family.
My family is not nearly that large, but though we are a flawed bunch of semi nutty people (they are related to me by the way) are so important to me and us.
Unfortunately all families are not uniformly wonderful.
And that makes me very sad.
The school had less than a hundred students when we attended almost 60 years ago, and since then has grown and declined. Now the student count is a bit over 100.
The Senior class was a little over 20.
Since it is a Bible school, there was a sermon involved, in fact, there were two, given by two students. The young lady talked first (I did not know her) and the grandson of a classmate of mine (’55) followed.
But between them one of the students whose family is from Hawaii stood up and came to the front. I looked at the program and it was not listed. These are not people who went to Hawaii and came back with a tan. I am talking about relatives of Queen Liliuokalani.
He was a well fed boy with a lei around his neck. He said that he wanted his family to come on stage. Other well fed dark skinned people began to stand up and make their way to the front. In the end there were almost 50 of these beautiful people on stage.
And then they sang a song. The song had deep meaning to them. They sang with volume and gusto. I did not know the song and had never heard it before, but they sang it well with great enthusiasm. . Even the children were singing.
When they finished the applause was thunderous. I was overwhelmed with the sheer joy of it all. When this lucky boy graduated, so did his whole family.
My family is not nearly that large, but though we are a flawed bunch of semi nutty people (they are related to me by the way) are so important to me and us.
Unfortunately all families are not uniformly wonderful.
And that makes me very sad.
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