I went to see Miriam last night. Not sure it was a good idea.
When I got in town yesterday I went straight to the IOOF home where Miriam lives. She was not angry to see me, nor particularly happy either.
She was sitting in a big recliner watching the pictures on TV (she cannot follow any plot anymore). I had them put her in her wheel chair. We visited and I took her outside for a walk. It was OK, though she slept through most of it.
Last evening I went back. It was about 6:30 and they had her in bed already. As I walked in the room she was hollering "Arline." "Arline." "Arline." etc. (Arline is our oldest daughter and her #1 caregiver the last two years.)
"What do you want Arline for?" "I don't know."
I might have settled her down and I might not have. I had a friend with me, and we did not stay long.
We did not do anything that made me happy and I don't think we did anything that made her happy either. When I asked her about her dinner, she said they did have food in the home, and when I said that NO, they feed her 3 times a day, she was not convinced.
So I come back and ask? Why do I visit? Not for her really and not really for my bank of memories of my dear one.
I do it because I should I guess. I am not sure how often driving 500 miles to do that ritual is worth it for either of us.
Gratitude #83 - Sweet Biddies!
11 years ago
2 comments:
Oh Dave, there are no perfect answers. Do what you can, and perhaps give yourself a schedule. I will go every 2/3 weeks or something. I found the guilt was the toughest thing.
Only you will know what is right.
Susan
Thank you.
In reality no one has scolded me for not being by her bed side daily. It sounds so noble to say "I visit every day" but it is more mobility than I can handle right now.
She is well taken care of.
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