friday

I did not listen carefully.

Emily has been with us for a few wonderful days. She has grown up so well, I am so proud of her, and treasure all of that special time.

I thought she was going to be with us nights until the first of next week, when she would fly back to portland. But just now her dad came to get her (we are on good terms with her dad, btw), and she is gone. Just like that.

While I did not understand the schedule, I took time to make us a breakfast of fresh fried potatoes and eggs with cheese, washed down with a glass of my famous (in the family at least) fruit smoothie.

Now she is gone.

Before she left she hugged me and told me that I had always been her father figure. That is a challenge I have taken very seriously for these short years. Her dad has not always been around.

I remember going to San Josen California to see Linda, Duane and Emily. Em was a couple of weeks old. I held her and looked at her tiny hands, each hand smaller than one of my thumbs, and I was in total, absolute awe. It was that grandpa kind of thing, where the old guy looks at the new generation and swoons. I never have gotten over seeing her for the first time.

Before her first birthday she moved with her mom to Idaho, living half an hour away. Most weekends she spent with us, and it was wonderful to have a little one around the house again. She went to church with us, and one week I was to play my trumpet for the service. Em and Miriam were on the back row (Em was still working on “church manners”). As I stood to play, with my trumpet in my hand, just before the accompaniment began, I heard this tiny voice. It was tiny, but in the silence of church it was loud: “PAPA!”

I smiled out loud, the congregation twittered approval and I played with energy.

That child has bored deep into my soul and I have loved her special. I have made a point in my life of never loving one child more than another, but the family has agreed that while I do not love Emily more than Jessica or Brianna or Amy, it is a special kind of love, nurtured by our being so close

Truthfully she has spent more time with us than she has with her father. I am not here to throw stones, that is just how it worked.

As I watch her grow (she is about 5’ 8” now) and get older and wiser (at 14, she is wise beyond her age) I am so proud of her.

But, lest you think I can only talk about Emily, I dare you to ask about Amy or Brianna or Jessica! They are all amazing women, these women and their mothers and aunts. I am honored to be the old guy.