my mom

My mom was a happy positive woman. Rarely did I know her other wise.

It was not that she did not have any grief in her life, She seems to have had her share or more.

She married at 18 a few weeks after she graduated from high school. I was born when she was 21. I the next 4 years she delivered 3 more babies. The first two died soon after birth. Both deaths were from causes that would be routinely solved today.

Then her husband, my father was killed. Suddenly, without any warning.

She carried her grief deep in herself, rarely showing that emotion.

When I was 8 and she 29 she married my step father. I remember him teasing her until she cried in desperation. I remember her crying a good bit. When dad went on the road as a trucker, it brought a great deal of peace to the family, as I remember.

My step dad had a shadowy history. He impregnated a girl when they were both very young, they were briefly married, but his mother did not approve and as I remember, pretty much forced a divorce.

He lived for a while in New York City. Later in life I heard some suggestion of a marriage there, but I am not sure. He was not an evil man, in many ways he was a good husband for her, but he pushed her to tears way to often, that was totally unnecessary.

After he married mom he was drafted into the army, it was the very end of WWII, and he came home one leave with a friend’s wife (she had the car they drove). Probably a perfectly innocent arrangement, but I know mom grieved.

Mom was bright and wanted to go to college. She went one semester, got good grades and loved it, then my Father decided to relocate to a non college town. In the 6 years of their marriage they lived in several different towns in Idaho and in several houses in most of those towns. She never got back to a "regular" college.

But through it all, she kept a smile on her face and a positive outlook. I don’t know if she talked to any one about anything, but my sense is that she did not, that she kept her sad emotions to herself. She was befriended by a city councilman who helped her with some legal issues. She had good mentors, but none were close emotionally.

She studied accounting by correspondence school. She was diligent and well suited to the work. When she finished and dad closed his trucking business, Mom went to work for the State of Idaho at the Health Department, in charge of payroll. When she retired she got a certificate of appreciation from her boss.

She always said that when she retired she was going to go to college. She wanted to learn and to stretch her mind, but within a year of her retirement she came down with cancer and it took her. She was just 65. I have outlived both of my parents.

I grieve her loss. She did get to go to our oldest daughters wedding, but she did not live to see grandchildren. She wanted so much to live to see her grandchildren married and have children. She loved her granddaughters (there were 6 between my brother and I).

It was not to be.

When I talk to my grandkids sometimes I say: “You would have loved my mom so much.” She would have been such a good great grandmother. It did not happen.

She has been gone a long long time now. Yet I still miss her cheerfulness in spite of what was going on. I miss her infectious smile. I miss her good cooking!

People who knew her (that number is thinning rapidly) agree, she was a great lady. That certificate from her boss at work was the only external validation that I remember.

We lived much of my life in the same town and I spent a lot of time with her. In her last half year, after it was discovered that her body was full of cancer, we spent a great deal of time together.

It was good. I am glad. And I still miss her.