independence

Miriam goes to bed about 10.

She will sleep until 8. She and leo wake up almost the same time every day.

Maybe I should go to bed at 10, but I don’t. That is the time I have to be alone and to think. Last night I wrote a dozen pages in a journal I made the day before. Some of the writing will end up in this blog, most will just roll around in my head.

I am a quite introspective person. I write a lot about success and failures in my journal. In the evening, mostly I just sit and think,

Today I worked at the church (again!). Miriam went with me when I went over about 8 to spread some vinyl tile cement that had to dry to be sticky!

We came home, she went for her walk with Leo and I had breakfast going when she returned. Then I left her at home while I went back to the church to work. It was about 6 hours before I returned.

When I walked in the door, I could tell she was angry. She did not smile she just sulked. I tried to pry out the problem, and she was not willing to talk much. Then she began telling me of my actions, which she determined were not good.

But she had about 2 or 3 days confused, and some details from here and some from there and none in a fashion that she could manage. She was sure that I had taken her to work with me, then had taken her home and “forced” her to stay alone while I went back and worked.

She would not let up. I was tired, but decided to take her to Taco Bell for a bit to eat. I knew that would distract her and she would forget the events of the day. It did. But she still kept asking me if I was finished. No amount of logic or explaining would get the reality to that one soldered in place.

Yes, I am finished with what we will do this week. No, there is more to do and I’ll do that next week. And on and on.

The upshot is that from here on, when I go some where I will always take her with me. If she can be helpful, that is good, but if she has to sit and wait/watch that is better than leaving her at home fussing.

Truthfully, she is content to be with me. I am the only real friend she has had as an adult. I wish she were more independent and self reliant, but she is not.

And I am learning to play a game that has ever changing rules.