happy?

There was a long piece on Public TV last night.

It was about happiness.

One story was about a woman who lost her husband of 62 years, and how since that time she has been able to enjoy life in a whole new way. She is busy with a host of activities, she has friends (a crucial component to happiness), and even though she knows she does not have too much longer to live, she is thoroughly happy.

I have thought about happiness before.

It took me about a day to adjust to retirement. This week I had a little volunteer job to finish and the whole idea of the job petrified me all week. (I finished it yesterday). Loosing that on a day to day, multi level pressure has added to my euphoria.

Strangely, perhaps, the years since Miriam was diagnosed with AD, have had some of the best years of our marriage. She has been the love of my life since we were 15. If anything that love is deeper now, in it's post mature stage. Her AD made a lot of difference in our relationship, but it still is rich and loving.

It took me a long time to come to peace with who I am and who I am not and what I should be doing in this world. Much of that peace arrived after retirement. It was a long time in incubation. Officially we are poor (according to the Gov). Our money income is low, but our satisfaction level is high.

Most of my life I spent doing work I was marginally suited to. There have been just three times in my life when I could pursue my creative spirit without massive feelings of guilt. This is one of those wonderful times.

My clean studio is small (12 by 12). It is cluttered. It is over stocked on almost everything, but it is the place where I have been happy.

Of course it would be wonderful if what I am producing in this studio were of real great artistic importance, but alas that is not the case. I am making semi-useful trinkets: books without words and boxes without contents.

But I am happy.