days I miss

Tonight after I put Miriam in bed I sat and edited old blog entries.

I began this blog in October 2007. Miriam was still doing well, but the sword of Damocles was hanging over our heads. We were waiting, even if we did not know what we were waiting for.

Tonight I watched a sad movie of a father who was dying. He was divorced from the mother of his two children. It made me sad. But they talked, they argued, they hugged. They had good conversations right up to the end. That is not how AD works.

My sister who is a writer and publisher wants me to put the early blog pieces into a smallish book that can be listed on Amazon.com for a few bucks. I am resisting, she is persisting. It is a story I want to tell, but there has to be an end to the story and we are not there yet, so I will put it off.

Yet tonight I copied the first three months of this blog and put it all in a file in my computer. Not complex stuff really. As I read and edited and cut out the duplicate chatter, I was remind of how far we have come.

Once we argued over whether she had AD or not. Now she get short with me when I don't dress or undress her. I pull her hair, or I pull her shirt over her bosoms and that hurts or I pull the turtle neck shirt off her head and that hurts.

What we don't have is a real conversation. I miss those days.