contentment

I wasted a lot of my life.

Some wise person said that at the beginning of your life find some work that you like so much that it is a joy for you. I got close at one point, but never quite made the cut. So I warred with my head and gut. Frustration seemed to be my constant companion.

My daughters and Miriam brought (and bring) me great joy. I don’t remember any time not being hopelessly in love with each of them. Now we have added another generation, fine grand children that I am so proud of.

But I often felt frustrated with my career path.

I think my life started to feel a bit more comfortable when we went back to college in our mid 40’s. We both enjoyed the school work. I was teaching, something I love to do. We were making art. We were a long way from home, but the whole challenge of it was somehow very satisfying.

My goal was to get a job as a college teacher somewhere, but regrettably I picked a field that was swamped with qualified applicants. I sent out hundreds of resumes, but never could get a full time teaching gig. There were lots of part time jobs, but part time teaching is not good for the teacher.

Miriam has this horrid disease that is taking her away from me, but interestingly, I have found a great deal of contentment in the last decades. I am not smart enough to know how all of this came about, but I like it.

It took me about a week to adjust to retirement. I am sure that is a sign of some personal failure, but I like that too!