sleeping

Sleeping alone at night, not so much.  

Miriam cannot be left alone at any time now. She has trouble with balance, she has trouble with mobility.

But in the middle of the night, she gets up and silently moves around her sleeping space, putting things here and arranging things there. She has bathroom problems and solves them her way (which may not be daughters or husbands ways.)

So I put her to bed about 8 in the evening. I stay up and read if I wish (so she can see me) or I go to bed beside her. The miserable hide-a-bed has moved over and a decent queen bed has taken it’s place, so I can sleep with a good bit of comfort.

Sometimes she wakes me  up out of deep sleep with a wet diaper. Somethings she wakes me as she is struggling to go to the bathroom, sometimes with the residue of a bad dream, but I am there to help her. I may not get as much good sleep, but I am there to help her.

Family begins to stir about 5:30 or earlier sometimes and I can leave and go back to my little house. Sometimes I am quite rested and sometimes I am exhausted, but I have been with her and she was safe.

Nothing is perfect and what was pretty durned good is not so much so now, but it is still my heart felt duty to protect and help her. That is not offered with a grudging spirit, but with a long history of devotion and love (she would do as much or more for me, I remind myself).

I’ll be OK.