understand

When I grouted my last piece of tile and put my tools away, I added up all of the plusses and minuses on my financial balance sheet, the number was positive, a bit.

One of my friends said something about how they (and she was being honest) ended up with a bit more after their work careers than we did. Sometimes that bothers me, especially when I go to class reunions and I see all of the people who really did well. Mostly I live with it with a great degree of comfort.

Today I spent some time with Sam. Sam is a few years older than me. He is of mixed indian and mexican ancestry, and is a super guy. We have been good friends for some time now.

Today he called and asked me if I would go help him move a sofa. I never turn Sam down, so I went over to the retirement home where he lives (we have several of those in my small town, this one is for those who really do not have much money.)

The couch was upstairs, we had to wheel it out into the narrow halls, and then down the to the elevator. The couch had to go in then stand on its end in the elevator (it was not really a large couch either). We did it, and then downstairs, wheeled it out the front door and we loaded it in my pickup.

He had me follow him to another subsidized housing building. These are not retired people, but mostly disabled for one reason or other. Some have been in prison, some are mentally challenged, some are sex offenders and some are just down on their luck. We took the couch upstairs (slid it up the banisters) and got it into the living room of this little apartment. The furniture consisted of an old recliner, and a really ancient TV on a box, that was all.

We put the couch where the 50 something guy told us. I have no idea what his story is. I have no idea of why he has so little. Probably I do not want to know.

And it is so easy to say: “Thank God I am not like that.” There was a high official a long time ago. Jesus told the story, and The Man did not like what he saw and heard. But still I have to have some thoughts.

There is a lot of misery in this world. I have always been fairly broke, so being on a tight budget is not unusual. What is unusual is that I know how much I will receive and what day it will get here. Contracting was not so lush!

I mentioned the couple and daughter who were at the AD support group I attended last week. What I did not tell them, and I should, is that in the decade since Miriam was diagnosed we have had some of the best years of our long marriage. There may be this subtle almost incoherent message that we have a limited time together, and we should enjoy it, and we are.

So I am not glad I am better than some one else, because that is a thin plank, but I am oh so thankful for the really good parts of my life: Miriam; daughters; sons-in-law; grandkids; grandkid-in-law and a fist full of good friends.

Right now Miriam is putting a jig saw puzzle together. It is a thousand piece job and it is hard and it will take her a good week or two to do it, but she will work on that like it was her job. It will get finished, and she will be so glad to finish. She will squeal with delight and eagerly show me the whole thing.

I may not have a lot of zeros in my bank statement (on the left of the decimal point, that is!), but I have so much to be happy about. When I say the prayer before we eat our meals, I always thank the Big Guy for my wonderful Miriam. I want her to hear it. I want her to know how much I love her.

Some day she won’t understand.